Madison
Today was Mother’s Day – a day for mamas everywhere to be honored, celebrated, appreciated and loved on in special ways. I’d felt a little apprehension in my heart this week as this day approached but I pushed it to the side hoping it was a fleeting feeling. Sunday came and when I woke up, there it was-my heart being tempted to feel empty today. The grief of losing our baby last December surfaced and it wanted me to feel like there was a hole in my heart and to fix my eyes on it. I wanted to be able to fully celebrate all the mamas in my life but every time I started to celebrate Mother’s Day for someone, I felt like I was choking back tears. Through out the weekend, well-meaning people who didn’t know me or my experiences kindly wished me a “happy Mother’s Day weekend if you’re a mom”. Knowing their sweet intentions, I smiled and thanked them but it would make my heart skip a beat. I was trying to refuse anything in my heart that would keep me from celebrating other mamas, but it took some strength to muster “Happy Mothers Day” with a smile.
I want to encourage every mama who has a child that she’s not able to hold this Mother’s Day (from miscarriage or any form of loss); to every mama waiting and hoping for a pregnancy to grow to full term and bring life into this world – you are seen, you are incredibly loved, and you are not alone. If you’re tempted to fix your eyes on a loss today, it is ok to feel that grief. Don’t stifle it, don’t deny it, but don’t lay down in it. Look at it, acknowledge it and then turn your eyes to Jesus. “Look full in his wonderful face, and the things of earth (yes, even grief) will grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace.” He’s been with you in every step, he has grieved with you, He loves you even more fiercely than you love that life that you lost (sometimes hard to imagine!), and He calls you “Mother”. You carry the name even if you have a child in your heart that you’re not able to hold in your arms. He is beckoning you to deeper levels of hope and joy in his presence as you allow him to kiss that hurting place in your heart. He will “comfort those who mourn and provide for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. You will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.” (Isaiah 61:3) You are an oak of righteousness – you are a display of his splendor to the world. As you show the world what it is to take heart in Jesus in the midst of loss and grief, His name is lifted high in your life. You are saying “my Jesus is King above EVERY other name, including grief and death.” What way to redeem a sadness. I’m with you today in my heart and spirit, lifting high the name of Jesus over all loss. To my sisters who are waiting to touch motherhood with your hands and not just your heart – I love you and Im praying that today you feel the hope of Jesus fill you to overflowing as you look right into his eyes of love for you.
I knew this wasn’t where my heart needed to be or stay but I also knew I couldn’t just sweep it under the rug. Grief is so good and healthy to walk through but I know that I can’t fix my eyes on what I lost. I have to keep them fixed on the One who is my hope. I had a choice when I woke up this morning. I could try to push my grief aside, unattended to, or I could look at it straight on and receive another opportunity to have my heart be filled to a new measure with Jesus and his goodness. He is my hope. He is the filler of empty places. When we move our eyes from what we’ve lost and fix them on his face, His peace and presence rushes in to fill every crevice that sadness tried to occupy. Sometimes we can wear grief around almost like a trophy, clinging to it and even beginning to put identity into it, but we’re not intended to be labeled by our losses. We are labeled by Jesus’ blood and we can walk in every provision that it released to us in every circumstance- peace that passes understanding, joy of his presence and faith in knowing with all of our hearts that He is so good and His love for us endures forever.
I want to encourage every mama who has a child that she’s not able to hold this Mother’s Day (from miscarriage or any form of loss); to every mama waiting and hoping for a pregnancy to grow to full term and bring life into this world – you are seen, you are incredibly loved, and you are not alone. If you’re tempted to fix your eyes on a loss today, it is ok to feel that grief. Don’t stifle it, don’t deny it, but don’t lay down in it. Look at it, acknowledge it and then turn your eyes to Jesus. “Look full in his wonderful face, and the things of earth (yes, even grief) will grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace.” He’s been with you in every step, he has grieved with you, He loves you even more fiercely than you love that life that you lost (sometimes hard to imagine!), and He calls you “Mother”. You carry the name even if you have a child in your heart that you’re not able to hold in your arms. He is beckoning you to deeper levels of hope and joy in his presence as you allow him to kiss that hurting place in your heart. He will “comfort those who mourn and provide for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. You will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.” (Isaiah 61:3) You are an oak of righteousness – you are a display of his splendor to the world. As you show the world what it is to take heart in Jesus in the midst of loss and grief, His name is lifted high in your life. You are saying “my Jesus is King above EVERY other name, including grief and death.” What way to redeem a sadness. I’m with you today in my heart and spirit, lifting high the name of Jesus over all loss. To my sisters who are waiting to touch motherhood with your hands and not just your heart – I love you and Im praying that today you feel the hope of Jesus fill you to overflowing as you look right into his eyes of love for you.
And to all my mama-sisters who are holding, soothing, training, teaching, and raising your babies…happy Mothers Day to you! You are amazing and well deserving of celebration and honor today and everyday. I’m thankful for your faithful stewardship of a new generation to release into this world!