Due Date Anniversaries & Hope

The day before the 4th of July- a day of planning fun activities & time with friends & family celebrating the freedom we’ve been given. I love all of those things, but for me, today holds A little more than holiday planning.

Today is the anniversary of my first baby’s due date. If she had come into this world, she would have turned 2 today. Her name is Ezra. Her name means “my help” & becoming pregnant with her changed my heart & my life, even though hers was so short lived. She helped my heart come to life in a powerful way. The mama heart that rose up in me was filled with a joy & fierceness like I’d never felt. Even though I didn’t get to hold her, I still miss her. She made me a mama.

Miscarriages are such a hidden grief. Most people don’t ever see them. There are few “symptoms” that show what a mama is walking through. What I am so incredibly thankful for is the presence of Jesus & how he sees every place in my heart than no one else does. When most have forgotten what happened or never knew in the first place, He sees & grieves with me. He comforts hurts that no one else knows are there. He is “El Roi”: “the God who Sees me”. He sees every hidden hurt, every tear of grief & heartache. He not only sees, but he is so very near. His presence is what is promised in heart ache “he is near to the broken hearted” (Ps 34:18).